I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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