I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
