The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
