Can i not drive my cunt home
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
