so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
