My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
