Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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