in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
