I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
