btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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