dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
