I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
