R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
