I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
