i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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