What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
