I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
