I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
