I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
