sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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