How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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