11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
plz talk dirty to me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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