Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
