Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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