FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
