Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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