I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
