sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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