I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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