dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
