Did you just see the Batmobile???
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
