sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she peed on how many people?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
