you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
