2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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