I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
