she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
