my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
