can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
