I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
