"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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