I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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