I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As shirtless as possible
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
