Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think i have two assholes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
