Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
