Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
