And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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