All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
