Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
