So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
