Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
