My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
