So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize