I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
