i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i think i just lost a toe
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
