Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
