she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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