Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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