ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
