i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
