Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
