Sponge bath it is.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
