An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
