Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
