Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
