Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
