I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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