note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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