The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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