The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
