Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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