I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
