I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
