So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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